i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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