I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
