I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
