I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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