google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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