Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So many bounce houses so little time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
