he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
