We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
