His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
