Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
