life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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