I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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