the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
