I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to have your abortion
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
