Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
