Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
