Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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