I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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