guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
