god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
