then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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