Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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