Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
