nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
