I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
