WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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