I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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