it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
