Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
