Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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