Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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