Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its not stalking. its research.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
