I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
