idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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