Say something about gay babies.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
