Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
