My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
People in love make me want to vomit
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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