I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
