Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
