Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
