I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
