it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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