I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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