If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
