She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
