there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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