Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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