How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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