if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
