i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
