Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
