Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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