TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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