Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
