This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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