maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
